November 4, 2020 at 2:15 pm,
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To teach means - for a short period of time, to get a tiny glimpse into another person's mind and personality. I prefer individual teaching, because then the energies are leveled out. In a classroom with teenagers, it feels like I am going against a bubbling, forceful stream where I am the holding on for dear life.
On my side, there is the lesson plan, the program, my dignity and ego, and wanting to earn some money (that would be the least of the reasons though). On their side, is feeling a lack of control, an overwhelming abyss of having to deal with the real world, with the inside world.. I am so glad I am not 19 any more. It was a time of turmoil and searching, and losing, and finding....
They say teaching is about wanting to make the world a better place, that is why I so eagerly wanted to avoid the whole thing.
I don't care about the world, or others, any more all that much. I used to write poems, fall in love, join environmental club, recycle with passion, preach about healthy living and not swearing..
Life has showed me that it does not matter. I can only hold tight in my core, stand still, breathe, and take one day at the time.
Just one more day against the stream of others' lives, finding the light in small things like a delicious meal at a cafeteria, seeing students working productively, having to use words in English I had forgotten I knew, being challenged... I needed that.